Beyond SMART Goals: How to Set Goals That Actually Change Your Life

Let’s talk about goals.

Specifically, let’s talk about why the typical “set SMART goals” advice, while useful, isn’t always enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I think SMART goals are great for breaking big dreams into bite-sized, manageable steps. But when it comes to life-changing, meaningful goals, SMART isn’t always that… well, smart.

In coaching, we take things a step further. We look beyond the standard criteria of Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals. Why? Because life isn’t a project management spreadsheet. It’s messy, complex, and deeply personal.

So, if you’ve ever set a goal that ticked all the SMART boxes but didn’t really move the needle on your happiness or fulfillment, this post is for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Post:

1. Why SMART goals aren’t enough for personal growth

2. The 3 key criteria I use with my clients to set better goals (the third will be the subject of an upcoming blog!)

3. How to make your goals personal, sustainable, and (yes) a little epic

Ready to rethink your goals? Let’s dive in.

Why SMART Goals Aren’t Always That Smart

Picture this: You set a goal to get fit. You make it specific (“I’ll work out 5 days a week”), measurable (“I’ll track my progress”), achievable (“I’ll start with 30-minute sessions”), relevant (“I want to be healthier”), and time-bound (“I’ll do this for 3 months”).

Sounds perfect, right? Except… three weeks in, life happens. Work gets busy, you miss a few sessions, and suddenly, instead of feeling motivated, you feel like a failure.

Here’s the thing: SMART goals focus on structure, but they don’t address why the goal matters to you or how it fits into your life. While SMART goals have long been considered effective for productivity, this article from Harvard Business Review explains why they may fall short when it comes to more meaningful, life-changing ambitions. That’s where coaching comes in.

In coaching, we add layers to SMART goals—layers that make them personal, sustainable, and contractual. Let’s break that down.

1. Make Your Goals Personal (Really Personal)

A personal goal isn’t just “mine, so it’s personal.” It’s a goal where you are 100% responsible for the outcome.

Let’s say your goal is: “I want to get hired by [insert dream company].” Ambitious? Yes. Personal? Not quite.

Here’s why: Whether or not you get hired depends on factors outside your control—like whether the hiring manager likes you or whether someone else is more qualified.

In coaching, we help clients reframe goals into something they can control. For example:

➡️ “I want to get hired at Google” becomes “I want to master [specific skill] that Google values.”

➡️ “I want to get married” becomes “I want to build a relationship where marriage feels like the natural next step.”

💡 Pro Tip: Ask yourself, “Is this goal fully in my hands?” If not, how can you reframe it into something that is?

2. Make Your Goals Sustainable

Ever set a goal that was great for you but made life miserable for everyone around you? You’re not alone.

Take Jeff (a classic coaching example). Jeff’s goal? “I want to work out for 90 minutes, six days a week.”

Sounds solid, right? For Jeff, sure. But for his wife, who’s left juggling two young kids solo for 90 minutes every evening? Not so much.

Here’s the thing: Goals need to be sustainable—not just for you, but for the people in your life. Sustainable goals are goals you can stick with long-term without burning out or wrecking your relationships.

In Jeff’s case, sustainability might mean:

👉 Working out twice a week and giving his partner equal time for her own goals

👉 Finding a gym with childcare

👉 Working out at home while the kids nap

The key? Collaboration and communication.

🤝 Quick Check: Do your goals work for both you and your environment? If not, how can you adjust them to be more sustainable?

3. Make Your Goals Contractual

There’s one more critical layer to goal-setting: making your goals contractual. This means turning your goal into a commitment—a promise you make to yourself. When a goal is contractual, it’s no longer just an idea floating around in your head; it becomes something tangible and binding.

This concept is so powerful that it deserves an entire blog post of its own. Stay tuned for a deep dive into how making a contract with yourself can transform your approach to goal-setting.

Exercise: Defend Your Goal Like Your Life Depends on It

To make sure your goal is truly personal and sustainable, here’s a fun and effective exercise inspired by what I ask my clients to do during coaching sessions:

Imagine you’re standing in a royal court. You’re the advisor, and your goal is a bold plan that needs approval. Your job? Defend your goal like your life depends on it. Convince the queen (that’s you) why this goal is worth pursuing.

Here’s how it works:

1. State Your Goal: Write it down clearly.

2. Argue Why It’s Personal: Explain why you, and only you, are responsible for achieving this goal. Challenge yourself—are there any factors outside your control? If so, how can you reframe the goal to bring it fully under your control?

3. Defend Its Sustainability: Argue how this goal fits into your life without causing burnout or conflict, but also how it benefits your well-being and those around you. Ask yourself:

• Is this sustainable for me? Does this goal support my physical and mental well-being? Can I pursue it without burning out?

• Is this sustainable for others? How does this goal affect the people in my life? Are there ways to collaborate or communicate with them to ensure balance?

For example, if your goal involves dedicating significant time to a new project, consider:

• How can you ensure it doesn’t negatively impact your relationships?

• Could you negotiate shared responsibilities with a partner or seek support from friends?

By thinking through these questions, you’ll refine your goal into something that not only excites you but also feels achievable and harmonious with your life.

4. Challenge Yourself: Pretend you’re the opposing advisor. Find flaws in your own argument and refine your goal until you can confidently defend it from every angle.

💡 Need help with this exercise? That’s what coaching is for! If you want guidance on setting personal and sustainable goals, don’t hesitate to book a free first appointment with me.

FAQ: Common Questions About Goal-Setting

• What if my goal feels too big?

  Break it down into smaller, manageable steps, but keep the big vision in mind. Think of it as chapters in a larger quest.

• How do I stay motivated when life gets in the way?

  Reconnect with the “why” behind your goal. Why does it matter to you? Also, be flexible. Sometimes, adapting your goal is the smartest move.

• Do I need a coach to set better goals?

  Not necessarily, but a coach can help you clarify your goals, stay accountable, and navigate obstacles more effectively. If you want more info on why coaching matters…

  Check this post!

Final Thoughts: Goals Should Be Yours, Not Just SMART

At the end of the day, goals aren’t just things you set to feel productive—they’re tools for creating a life that feels meaningful to you.

So, next time you set a goal, ask yourself:

• Is it personal? (Am I fully responsible for the outcome?)

• Is it sustainable? (Can I stick with it without wrecking my life?)

• Is it contractual? (You can discover more about this question here)

• Can I defend it like a royal advisor presenting a case to the queen?

And if you’re ready to take your goal-setting to the next level, let’s chat. Because sometimes, the difference between a goal that fizzles out and a goal that changes your life is just a little curiosity, creativity, and support.

Let’s make your goals epic!